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Pope Supports Gay Marriage After Meeting Charming Connecticut Couple Channel: The Onion Length: 80 Date: July 16, 2011 China agrees to forgive a portion U.S. debt if Americans dress up in costumes and perform silly dances for them, a drunk pilot pulls over onto a c...

Joe Biden Introduces Trio Of Sexy Bodyguards Channel: The Onion Length: 108 Date: July 15, 2011 In today’s Daily Briefing, Tucker Hope reports that Joe Biden has replaced his Secret Service detail with a trio of sexy female bodyguards.

Millions Irrationally Feared Dead In Minor Train Accident Channel: The Onion Length: 169 Date: July 12, 2011 After a small train derailment in Delaware, Americans all across the nation are senselessly fearing for their loved ones' lives.

Rod Stewart Easily Passes For An Elderly Aunt Channel: The Onion Length: 88 Date: July 09, 2011 Record industry refuses to claim credit for horrendous #1 song, The National Funk Congress is deadlocked on get up/get down issue, and the Chicago...

Nation Somehow Failed To Predict Attack By Michael Bay Channel: The Onion Length: 96 Date: July 07, 2011 The FBI says the warning signs that Bay would eventually carry out a terrorist attack were startlingly obvious in retrospect.

Mr. Met Takes Out Frustration On Fans At Citi Field. Channel: The Onion Length: 83 Date: June 30, 2011 After 3 billion seasons on earth, Fall has been canceled, a shiny bobbing object fascinates the fish community, and a bee stuck between the screen...

Potential School Shooter Gunned Down By Popular Jock Channel: The Onion Length: 158 Date: June 29, 2011 Prom king Trevor Wilson pumped three bullets into the quiet loner before he had a chance to think about turning on fellow students.

In The Know: Coal Lobby Warns Wind Farms May Blow Earth Off Orbit Channel: The Onion Length: 159 Date: June 29, 2011 Panelists debate whether the U.S. is doing enough to heed the warnings of coal industry scientists who say turbines could blow the Earth right into...

Lazy, Illiterate Pulitzer Board Should At Least Be Able To Watch This Fucking Video Recap Channel: The Onion Length: 99 Date: June 25, 2011 After a week of meritorious writing, reporting, and public service from America’s Finest News Source, the hard-working men and women at The Onion ...

Joad Cressbeckler: Homosexuality A Necessity On Cold Mountaintops Channel: The Onion Length: 220 Date: June 21, 2011 On The Cressbeckler Stance, Joad explains how the harsh conditions in mining camps can require two men becoming one.

'Green Lantern' To Fulfill America’s Wish To See Lantern-Based Characters On Big Screen Channel: The Onion Length: 117 Date: June 16, 2011 Star Fix reports on the new "Green Lantern" movie based on the comic-book hero everyone definitely knew about before the film was...

'Green Lantern' To Fulfill America’s Wish To See Lantern-Based Characters On Big Screen Channel: The Onion Length: 117 Date: June 16, 2011 Star Fix reports on the new "Green Lantern" movie based on the comic-book hero everyone definitely knew about before the film was...

Live: Senator Addresses Rumors Of Horse Affair Channel: The Onion Length: 87 Date: June 10, 2011 Conservative Sen. Ronald North addresses rumors that he had an extramarital affair with a horse.

Anti-Gay Senator’s Horse Affair Caught On Tape Channel: The Onion Length: 93 Date: June 10, 2011 TMZ has obtained shocking video of gay marriage opponent Sen. Ronald North and his horse mistress.

Anti-Gay Senator’s Horse Affair Caught On Tape Channel: The Onion Length: 93 Date: June 10, 2011 TMZ has obtained shocking video of gay marriage opponent Sen. Ronald North and his horse mistress.

Today Now!: Save Money By Taking A Vacation Entirely In Your Mind Channel: The Onion Length: 147 Date: June 08, 2011 Travel expert Cathy Barnette shows Jim and Tracy how to see the world without spending a dime or even leaving your home.

Today Now!: Save Money By Taking A Vacation Entirely In Your Mind Channel: The Onion Length: 147 Date: June 08, 2011 Travel expert Cathy Barnette shows Jim and Tracy how to see the world without spending a dime or even leaving your home.

Report: Economy Failing Because U.S. Built On Ancient Indian Burial Grounds Channel: The Onion Length: 170 Date: May 31, 2011 In The Know panelists discuss a new congressional report linking all of America’s problems to the fact that our entire nation was built on top of N...

Final Minutes Of Last Harry Potter Movie To Be Split Into Seven Separate Films Channel: The Onion Length: 165 Date: May 24, 2011 Warner Bros. will recut the last four minutes of "The Deathly Hollows: Part 2" and stretch it into seven films so fans can enjoy the Harry Potter f...

Final Minutes Of Last Harry Potter Movie To Be Split Into Seven Separate Films Channel: The Onion Length: 165 Date: May 24, 2011 Warner Bros. will recut the last four minutes of "The Deathly Hollows: Part 2" and stretch it into seven films so fans can enjoy ...

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