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Survivors Of Gas Station Explosion Mourn Tragic Loss Of Gasoline Channel: The Onion Length: 0 Date: January 12, 2009 Community members who didn't burn to death are struggling to accept the devastating loss of so much premium fuel.

Man Who Crossed Nation In Balloon Only Wants To Talk About Horse Abuse Channel: The Onion Length: 0 Date: January 07, 2009 Today Now! welcomes adventurer and balloonist Trent Montague, who is determined to steer the conversation to the horrors of horse abuse.

Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard Channel: The Onion Length: 0 Date: January 05, 2009 The MacBook Wheel lets consumers accomplish everyday tasks like typing with just a few dozen spins and clicks of a wheel.

Media Watchdog Accuses Weather Channel Of Pro-Weather Bias Channel: The Onion Length: 0 Date: December 17, 2008 Critic claims The Weather Channel shamelessly overreports stories on hurricanes and weekend forecasts at the expense of other news.

Aunts And Stepdads Line Up For This Year's Hottest Gift: The Electric Tea Kettle Channel: The Onion Length: 0 Date: December 16, 2008 Across the country, aunts and stepdads are braving crowds to get their hands on the perfect gift for the relatives they barely know.

President To Face Down Monster Attack, Own Demons In Action-Packed Schedule Channel: The Onion Length: 0 Date: December 10, 2008 The press secretary tells reporters that before the president can defeat the monster, he'll have to defeat his greatest enemy of all: his ...

New Portable Sewing Machine Lets Sweatshop Employees Work On The Go Channel: The Onion Length: 0 Date: December 09, 2008 From our Bangladesh channel: The Smart Stitch is being hailed as a revolutionary garment factory that fits in the palm of your hand.

NASA Simulator Prepares Astronauts For Rigors Of An Interview With Larry King Channel: The Onion Length: 0 Date: December 02, 2008 NASA instructors offer a firsthand look at the training astronauts endure before they can physically and mentally withstand an appearance on Larry ...

USDA Official Takes Courageous Stand Against Interstate Countercyclical Potato Pricing Channel: The Onion Length: 0 Date: November 27, 2008 A deputy assistant at the Department of Agriculture speaks truth to power, condemning proposed changes in Idaho's potato output pricing st...

In Thanksgiving Tradition, Bush Pardons Scooter Libby In Giant Turkey Costume Channel: The Onion Length: 0 Date: November 24, 2008 The pardon assures that Libby will not face any more repercussions for his role in the Valerie Plame scandal or be eaten on Thanksgiving.

Chinas Andy Rooney Has Some Funny Opinions About How Great The Chinese Government Is Channel: The Onion Length: 0 Date: November 19, 2008 The curmudgeonly Poyuan Wei thinks the only thing wrong with the Chinese Government is that they are not tough enough on dissidents.

Attractive Girls Union Refuses To Enter Into Talks With Mike Greenman Channel: The Onion Length: 0 Date: November 17, 2008 At a press conference today, the AGU announced it will not even acknowledge Mike Greenman until he begins dressing better and loses some weight.

Gunman Kills 15 Potential Voters In Crucial Swing State Channel: The Onion Length: 0 Date: November 15, 2008 The Obama campaign is cautiously optimistic after initial reports indicated that most of the people killed were registered Republicans.

Extreme Weather Alert: Meteorologists Predict Intensely Brisk Autumn Channel: The Onion Length: 0 Date: November 15, 2008 Experts advise that anyone venturing outdoors should be on the lookout for extremely crunchy leaves and winds as high as 12 mph.

Was There Too Much Sex And Profanity In The HBO Presidential Debate? Channel: The Onion Length: 0 Date: November 15, 2008 Our In The Know panelists debate whether the graphic sex acts and extreme violence in HBO's McCain-Obama debate crossed the line.

12-Year-Old Boy Scouts Volunteer To Give Women Breast Exams Channel: The Onion Length: 0 Date: November 15, 2008 Two prospective Eagle Scouts explain how they are preventing breast cancer by helping women examine their breasts.

China Launches First Willing Manned Mission Into Space Channel: The Onion Length: 0 Date: November 15, 2008 Chinese gathered to see Zhang Tong, the first Chinese man to go into space without being chained inside the rocket.

In The Know: Should The Government Stop Dumping Money Into A Giant Hole? Channel: The Onion Length: 0 Date: November 15, 2008 With the economy sliding deeper into a recession, panelists discuss whether it's time to stop throwing our money into a massive pit out in...

Obama Runs Constructive Criticism Ad Against McCain Channel: The Onion Length: 0 Date: November 15, 2008 In response to Republican attacks, Barack Obama unleashed a series of slightly negative ads that gently point out how McCain could be doing a bette...

YouTube Contest Challenges Users To Make A 'Good' Video Channel: The Onion Length: 0 Date: November 15, 2008 YouTube is offering a cash prize to the first user to upload a video with a shred of originality or artistic merit.

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