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Diet Book Author Advocates New 'No Food Diet' Channel: The Onion Length: 0 Date: May 19, 2008 Today Now! talks with a diet book author who reveals that many things are surprisingly edible when you are driven mad by hunger.

Historic Blockbuster Store Offers Glimpse Of How Movies Were Rented In The Past Channel: The Onion Length: 0 Date: May 12, 2008 The Blockbuster Video Living Museum offers tourists a glimpse of how Americans rented movies before the advent of services like Netflix and iTunes.

Wildly Popular 'Iron Man' Trailer To Be Adapted Into Full-Length Film Channel: The Onion Length: 0 Date: April 14, 2008 Fans are worried that the feature film adaptation of the beloved trailer won't live up to the original 90-second story's vision.

911 Conspiracy Theories 'Ridiculous,' Al Qaeda Says Channel: The Onion Length: 0 Date: March 31, 2008 An Al Qaeda representative says that claims the U.S. government was behind the attacks on Sept. 11th are demeaning to Al Qaeda.

China Celebrates Its Status As Worlds Number One Air Polluter Channel: The Onion Length: 0 Date: March 24, 2008 China revels in a UN report that found it has the highest smog levels in the world, a sure sign of China’s progress and prosperity.

Army Holds Annual 'Bring Your Daughter To War' Day Channel: The Onion Length: 0 Date: March 20, 2008 Girls between the ages of 8 and 14 spent the day helping their parents fight insurgents and defuse mines.

Anonymous Philanthropist Donates 200 Human Kidneys To Hospital Channel: The Onion Length: 0 Date: March 14, 2008 Hospital officials hope to locate the good Samaritan that dropped offa sack of human organs in the middle of the night so they can thankhim.

Diebold Accidentally Leaks Results Of 2008 Election Early Channel: The Onion Length: 0 Date: February 26, 2008 Embarrassed Diebold officials apologized after one of their electronic voting machines prematurely revealed the winner of our upcoming sham election.

Nation Of Andorra Not In Africa, Shocked U.S. State Dept. Reports Channel: The Onion Length: 0 Date: February 18, 2008 The United States gave billions of dollars in aid to the wealthy European principality of Andorra, which it mistakenly assumed was a poor African c...

Online Dating Helping Pathetic Women Get Their Hopes Crushed More Efficiently Channel: The Onion Length: 0 Date: February 11, 2008 Websites like Match.com allow sad, lonely women all over the country to invite pain and rejection into their lives with just a few clicks of the mo...

Ngyuen Thi Buch Thuy: 'Just Give Me The Damn Sepak Takraw Ball' Channel: The Onion Length: 0 Date: February 04, 2008 Sepak takraw fan favorite Nguyen Thi Buch Thuy has once again angered Coach Lap with his antics on the pitch.

As Obese Population Rises, More Candidates Courting The Fat Vote Channel: The Onion Length: 0 Date: January 21, 2008 Presidential candidates are reaching out to fat voters on the campaign trail by eating large amounts of food.

Mitt Romney Defends Himself Against Allegations Of Tolerance Channel: The Onion Length: 0 Date: January 14, 2008 Mitt Romney's candidacy took a major hit following the discovery of statements he made a decade ago that imply he isn’t sickened by gays.

Report: American Schools Trail Behind World In Aptitude Of Child Soldiers Channel: The Onion Length: 0 Date: January 07, 2008 A shocking new study finds U.S. children lag far behind their international peers in subjects like rifle assembly and mine defusing.

International Scandal: Don Cheadle Planned Darfur Genocide To Create Film Role Channel: The Onion Length: 0 Date: December 18, 2007 UN officials confirmed that Hotel Rwanda star Don Cheadle funded the genocide in Darfur for the purpose of starring in a film about the tragedy.

Report: Nation’s Wealthy Cruelly Deprived Of True Meaning Of Christmas Channel: The Onion Length: 0 Date: December 11, 2007 The nation’s poor get to experience true Christmas spirit, while the wealthy, burdened by shopping and party obligations, are left out in the cold.

Should Animals Be Doing More For The Animal Rights Movement? Channel: The Onion Length: 0 Date: December 10, 2007 Panelists discuss whether animals should play a more active role in the fight for their rights by participating in marches or organizing boycotts.

Fat Kid Successfully Avoids Ridicule By Swimming With Shirt On Channel: The Onion Length: 0 Date: November 27, 2007 Today Now! brings you the inspiring story of Brian Peete, a fat boy who hid his obesity from other children at the pool by keeping his shirt on.

Americans Enjoying Thanksgiving Tradition Of Sitting Around At Airport Channel: The Onion Length: 0 Date: November 19, 2007 Thanksgiving is a time for far-flung family members to reunite with each other and share in holiday cheer at the airport.

Medical Miracle: Man Lives Thanks To Heart Stolen From Dead Man Channel: The Onion Length: 0 Date: November 13, 2007 Start your day with our morning show, Today Now! Join hosts Jim and Tracy as they welcome Dave Portman, a real-life Frankenstein's monster.

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